We hate puppies

So Daddy is away this week visiting my gam-gam and working so while mommy is at work we decided to fire this thing up and put in a word or two about what has been going on around here lately. Dante and I have watched this process a lot so we have it pretty figured out. Dante is telling me how to do it b/c he is the smart one...but the cord wouldn't reach to his pillow so I am stuck with the dirty work. Dana is sleeping. I will fill her in later during our run.


So the reason for this coup is that for some stupid reason mommy and daddy decided to keep a puppy for a few days. At first, we thought it was staying and Dante started planning his escape. But i knew better..mommy wouldn't do that to me...those pretty skinny dogs are bad enough.
They called him Nail (blame his mommy and daddy) and he is 11 weeks old. He sucked. I don't quite know what people see in puppies. No matter what anyone says, they aren't cute. At all. They are constantly playing and making our toys slobbery and stinky.

They are stupid..I mean Dana got a D in obedience class but even she would know not to sit down with her tail in the water. And seriously..doesn't he know WE DRINK THAT???

He was very clingy also. We couldn't get any loving from OUR OWN parents b/c of him. He was always touching one of them. Even trying to sneak a quick hug would lead to him bounding over "de de de".

We kids found it best to stick together during this horrible time. Mommy and Daddy weren't any help..they played with him and loved on him. What are we...old and ugly? NO we are cute and just hitting our prime!


We tried to stay away from him..he was too stupid to figure out how to get on the couch or recliner..but of course SOMEONE would put him up there. Puppy filth..all over our furniture. No shame. Dante is more blunt than I am and basically let the puppy know early on he is grumpy and doesn't like puppies. The puppy didn't listen well but Dante was persistent eventually hurt Nail's feelings enough that he left him alone. Dana played dead. That seemed to work for her. And if he touched her bed..the WORLD would stop and everyone would come rushing over..

"Stay off Dana's bed" they would say..."don't bother dana". "Here..lay on the couch with Shiloh"

Does ANYONE see anything wrong with this scenario???? Because I am the 'nice' one of the group..he followed me around and annoyed the crap out of me.

I mean seriously...does anyone look happy in this picture? Maybe that stupid kid..but he was too smelly and stupid to realize we all hated him.

Did I mention he smelled? Mommy and Daddy kept saying how his breath smelled good "puppy breath" or something. Gross. They get mad at me when I breath on them. I smell like roses. Dante not so much..but he loves to stink...something about increased manhood. whatever.
The bright side of the weekend was that they took us all (the puppy came too..can you believe that?) to a festival at a winery to support the local SPCA. Since Parker and I came from the SPCA it was kind of like our day.

But of course that stupid puppy got all the attention. Boy was Dante mad! He kept shouting "I AM THE CUTE ONE"..which made me laugh b/c it irritates me that everyone thinks he is so cute. He really does stink. And of course all those pretty long legged dogs were there..Dana is my buddy but they seem to keep replicating. At least they aren't stinky and know how to sleep through the night. But the bonus of this whole event was that Nail was POOPED. He left us alone for the whole evening! This pictures shows his cross-eyes..so stupid.

Luckily he is gone now. There isn't food in my water bowl (or TAIL HAIR!), water on the floor (he couldn't even drink right), my toys are dry, I can lay on my own bed, mommy and daddy play with me again AND it is quiet. whew. We hate puppies!
*Mommy came home and caught us writing. She said we had to put a disclaimer that the above comments and opinions are not necessarily those held by her or daddy and she is in no way responsible for any backlash. She thought he was cute..blech!